So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Randomize
