If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
