Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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