I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
