frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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