True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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