I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
