I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
