Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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