remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
