Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
