things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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