I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
