remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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