I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
