Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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