Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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