Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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