Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
