just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
