She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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