finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
