Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
