everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
jump out the window naked night went bad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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