I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I party with great urgency now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
