Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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