I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This baby is an asshole
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
