Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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