It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
