I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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