I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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