i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
