Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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