is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
