I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize