Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
