he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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