Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
