i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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