I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She even gives head with a lisp.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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