Do you still have your period?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A bitchslap is in order.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
