That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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