you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
