Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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