how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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