I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
