i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
