he puts the penis in happiness.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
