All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
