yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
