Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
