I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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