you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize