Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
