mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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