We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
