Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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