His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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