you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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