used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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