Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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