We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
