I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
