And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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