and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
