Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you guys were way drunker than both of me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
