I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
