Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize