I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
