he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
