The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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