I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
