It's Friday. Sex?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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