And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
