I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
