a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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