The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
