be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
