i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
