i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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