Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
